The best way to understand your brand's customers

on Listening

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." 

- Ralph Nichols

Inspiration for listening

on Listening

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen." 

- Ernest Hemingway

1 of the 10 human drives to activate to make you feel alive

I really benefited from reading “The Charge” by Brendon Burchard.  Even the subtitle got my attention: “Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive.”

It was recommended to me by Jack Canfield, Co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and author of The Success Principles.  Jack says, “There hasn't been a game-changing book on personal development in a long time. The wait is over. The Charge confronts our very notions of what drives us as humans, and after reading this book you’ll find a new internal charge that’s stronger and more energized than you ever imagined possible.”

One specific area proved quite thought-provoking.  It is the Activator to find and cultivate growth friends.

Burchard writes that most people don’t have a real grasp on how vital their friendships are to their overall mental health and happiness. 

In study after study, he writes, researchers from a variety of disciplines continually find that the quality of our immediate friendship-based relationships is one of the most important factors in determining our overall stability, mood, ambition, emotional range, growth, and satisfaction in life.

That’s why Burchard warns: Be careful whom you surround yourself with. 

But if, like me, you don’t really surround yourself at all?

The average American has only one or two close friends.  That’s unfortunate, but it does gave me an obvious clue to how I might immediately improve my life satisfaction.

Burchard says, take a look at your own peer group, then answer the following questions.

1.     How many close, real friends do you have? (You alone can define “close” and “real” for yourself)

2.     How often do you see them in person?

3.     How often do you speak with them?

4.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how well do these close friends really know you?

5.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much do these close friends consistently encourage you to chase your dreams?

6.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much do these close friends provide you with insight, information, and inspiration that challenge you to be a better person?

7.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much fun do you have when you hang out with these close friends?

Take time to do the survey, and pick up the book.

Or even better, pick up the phone and call me.  We both could use some time with a friend.

5 new conversation habits and active listening: improving your personal interaction

Listening requires more than opening your ears.

In my continuing series of blogs on optimizing personal interactions, here’s is some advice for business managers on smart conversation habits.




It comes from Bernard Ferrari in his new book, Power Listening: Mastering the Most Critical Business Skill of All.

Here are five practices to try:

1. Show Respect
2. Listen to Everyone
3. Be Quiet
4. Understand emotions
5. Ask Questions

 You can read more at SPIRIT Magazine.

4 clever conversation starters when networking: improving your personal interaction

The key to networking success is being a good conversationalist and showing genuine interest in another’s business and knowing when to talk about your own.

So do you know any good conversation starters?

In this blog post on improving personal interaction, I share some experiences from Jack Fraenkel, a business-improver and people-developer, has a flair for customer service. He passionately believes that service intensive companies tend to invest in employee success first.

And he says “One thing’s for sure - networking is not for wallflowers! Everyone, but especially those on the shy side, need to practice talking and listening so they can become better conversationalists.”

Here are some ideas from Jack:

All things being equal, people like to do business with friends. When things are not quite so equal, people still like to do business with friends.

The question you have to ask is: How can each person benefit as a result of connecting with me?

The conversation starters you ask the people you meet at networking functions always need to be about them and never, ever about how you can find a way to sell them something!

Take serious note: this is not just about business networking. This is a life strategy to use with anyone, anywhere and anytime. Real opportunities lie in your ability to build very effective and meaningful relationships with key contacts who can and will identify new opportunities for you, be those personal or business.

Back to business networking. During the first part of the conversation, only talk about the other person. Ask them what they do and how their business is doing. Think of areas you are uncertain about within your business and ask how they handle this. For example asking “How do you find new customers? is a conversation starter that may even give you some new ideas!

Here are 4 great conversation starters:

1. “Hi, what business/industry are you in?”
2. “What do you enjoy most about it?”
3. “How did you get into it?”
4. “Who are you looking to connect with today?”

Spend a little time with each new prospect. Listen and learn. Soon, you'll have a whole room who can't wait to talk to you, and of course you won't mind that at all, will you?

Business networking is really simple. You can make the most of it by:

• Recognizing that everyone you meet is a potential, useful network contact.
• Creating “win, win” opportunities to give and receive favors.
• Practicing the “give without expectation” philosophy of great networkers.
• Operating with complete integrity.

5 tips to be an active listener

During our N-of-8^® workshops, our goal is to learn and understand as much as we can about our customer's current situation, ideas, challenges, and goals.  During these sessions, the Stinson Brand Innovation team practices "active listening," and we make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that the participants are saying, but also more important, to understand the total message being sent.  Active listening is a great tool that can be used in any situation - meetings, on the telephone, and even with friends and family.

Why is it important to become a good listener?  The web site www.mindtools.com outlines these key reasons:

• We listen to obtain information.
• We listen to understand.
• We listen for enjoyment.
• We listen to learn.

Unfortunately, most of us only remember somewhere between 25-50% of what we hear, which means when we're receiving directions or being presented with information, we probably aren't hearing the whole message.  So, boosting our listening skills is important.  By becoming better listeners, we can avoid conflict and misunderstandings and improve our productivity, as well as our ability to influence, persuade and negotiate.

There are 5 key elements of active listening. They help ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.

1.      Pay Attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge what they're saying. Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.

• Look at the speaker directly.
• Shelve distracting thoughts. Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal.
• Avoid being distracted by other things happening around you.
• "Listen" to the speaker's facial expressions and body language.
• Refrain from side conversations (when listening in a group setting).

2.      Show that You're Listening. 
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.

• Put away electronic devices. They can often be used as a distraction and a way to tune out.  Using them is disrespectful to the speaker.
• Nod occasionally, and smile and use other facial expressions.
• Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.  Crossed arms or "lazy" posture indicates that you're not engaged.
• Encourage the speaker to continue.  Use small verbal cues, such as "yes," and "uh huh."

3.      Provide Feedback.
Our personal beliefs, assumptions and judgments can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said.

• Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I‚m hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying" are great ways to reflect back.
• Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say," and "Is this what you mean?"
• Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.

4.      Defer Judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.

• Allow the speaker to finish.
• Don't interrupt with counter-arguments.

5.      Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.

• Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
• Assert your opinions respectfully.
• Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.

How can active listening help you in your professional or personal life?  Share your comments.

Click here to learn more about active listening.