1 of the 10 human drives to activate to make you feel alive

I really benefited from reading “The Charge” by Brendon Burchard.  Even the subtitle got my attention: “Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive.”

It was recommended to me by Jack Canfield, Co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and author of The Success Principles.  Jack says, “There hasn't been a game-changing book on personal development in a long time. The wait is over. The Charge confronts our very notions of what drives us as humans, and after reading this book you’ll find a new internal charge that’s stronger and more energized than you ever imagined possible.”

One specific area proved quite thought-provoking.  It is the Activator to find and cultivate growth friends.

Burchard writes that most people don’t have a real grasp on how vital their friendships are to their overall mental health and happiness. 

In study after study, he writes, researchers from a variety of disciplines continually find that the quality of our immediate friendship-based relationships is one of the most important factors in determining our overall stability, mood, ambition, emotional range, growth, and satisfaction in life.

That’s why Burchard warns: Be careful whom you surround yourself with. 

But if, like me, you don’t really surround yourself at all?

The average American has only one or two close friends.  That’s unfortunate, but it does gave me an obvious clue to how I might immediately improve my life satisfaction.

Burchard says, take a look at your own peer group, then answer the following questions.

1.     How many close, real friends do you have? (You alone can define “close” and “real” for yourself)

2.     How often do you see them in person?

3.     How often do you speak with them?

4.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how well do these close friends really know you?

5.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much do these close friends consistently encourage you to chase your dreams?

6.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much do these close friends provide you with insight, information, and inspiration that challenge you to be a better person?

7.     On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much fun do you have when you hang out with these close friends?

Take time to do the survey, and pick up the book.

Or even better, pick up the phone and call me.  We both could use some time with a friend.

8 words of strengths and 8 words of areas for improvement: Words that matter

In my blogs this week, I have featured words – words that matter.

Today, I’m sharing 8 words that describe my positives traits, along with 8 words that describe my areas for improvement.

Strengths:

1. Variety
2. Involved
3. Relationships
4. Options
5. Innovation
6. Appreciative
7. Inspirational
8. Initiates

Areas for Improvement:

1. Glib
2. Overpowering
3. Patronizing
4. General
5. Avoid
6. Undone
7. Misses
8. Defends

The origins of personality theory can be traced back to the fifth century BC, when Hippocrates identified four distinct energies exhibited by different people.

The preeminent personality model was first identified by the Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung. This model was published in his 1921 work “Psychological Types” and developed in subsequent writings. Jung’s work on personality and preferences has since been adopted as the seminal work in understanding personality and has been the subject of study for thousands of researchers to the present day.

Using Jung's typology, I have often used it as a framework for self-understanding and development. Research suggests that a good understanding of self, both strengths and weaknesses, enables individuals to develop effective strategies for interaction and can help them to better respond to the demands of their environment.

I regularly use this profile pro-actively. That is, I identify some key areas in which I want to develop – and then I take action. In fact, by sharing important aspects with friends and colleagues, I can get feedback on areas that seem particularly relevant for me in developing an action plan for growth personally and interpersonally.

I welcome your comments.

What to Say?: improving your personal interaction

Small talk has not really been my "thing" in the past.  Gut now that I have worked to improve my networking skills, I find that it is a necessity.



And it's another reason to share this series of blog posts on improving personal interaction.

Author Scott Ginsberg says at some point in a conversation you must move beyond "how are you?" and talk about something else. And as hard as it is for me to believe, not everyone is a NASCAR fan. So what can I say to get the conversation going?

In his book The Power of Approachability, Scott Ginsberg has a section called "Let Me Ask Ya This...55 Great Questions to Ask Someone You Just Met." I want to share with you a few to try out at your next networking function.

- Who is the most famous person you've ever met?


- Are you a dog person or a cat person?


- What is your favorite part of your job?


- What is your favorite restaurant?


- If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be?


- If you could hear anyone in history give a speech, whom would you hear?


- If you could hire any actor to portray you in a movie, who would you chose?

These are not first question out of your mouth, but something that you can use to find out more about the person with whom you are speaking. Obviously, you have to pick and choose based on the situation and your comfort level, but when it is time to move beyond "boy it is cold out" or "so how is your business doing" these may do the trick!

Other questions:

• How did you get your start in the widget business?


• What do you enjoy most about your profession?


• What significant changes have you seen take place in your profession through the years?


• What ways have you found to be the most effective for promoting your business?


• How can I know if someone I'm talking to is a good prospect for you?

10 hot tips for attending networking functions: improving your personal interactions

Every day there are an unlimited number of networking breakfasts, lunches, dinners, seminars, workshops you can go to. Your budget may determine how many of these you can attend. More often than not, your positive mindset determines the outcomes in attending these functions.
Many people arrive at these events stressed, angry, basically not wanting to be there. They do themselves a disservice being there, because all they will attract is negative people like themselves. They are guaranteed to have a miserable time.

So how can you maximize these opportunities?

In this latest in my blog series on personal interaction, I share some insights from Robyn Henderson, who is regarded as a global networking specialist. She has authored and contributed to 19 books (including 10 on networking and business building and 3 on self-esteem and confidence building).

Here are ten simple tips from Robyn:

1. Decide why you want to attend.

What do you want to get out of this event? Is there a specific person you want to meet? Are you looking for a certain service provider? Or are you simply wanting to network with others in your industry, to share the highs and lows and keep up to date with what is happening in the marketplace? The clearer you are on why you are going, the more chance you will have of achieving your objective.

2. Decide on the logistics.

Do I have to block out time in my diary the hour before the function starts, to arrive on time? Will others you know be going? What is the dress code? Will you need to bring a change of clothes to work on the day?

3. Take plenty of business cards.

A business card that clearly states your name, what you do and your contact details is imperative for effective networking. In Singapore, business cards are called 'name cards' and it is said your card represent a summary of you. Always treat other people's business cards with respect. Give your business card to the person you are meeting as part of your introduction, "Hi, I'm Robyn Henderson, I'm a global networking specialist." That's as much as you should say about yourself, unless they ask.

4. Have quality conversations

Have quality conversations rather than quantity. If there are fifty people at the event, don't expect to speak to all fifty. Be content with a quality conversation with five to seven people, who the next day will look at your card and remember you and what you spoke about. And more importantly remember you the next time they see you.  The best networkers are the best listeners. Anyone will speak to you for ten minutes if you are not speaking about yourself.

5. Take along a few ice-breakers

If you are a little nervous about what to talk about, listen to the latest news or talk back radio on your way to the event, so that you have a couple of interesting current topics to talk about. The first 60 seconds of any conversation with a complete stranger is the hardest. If you have a question prepared (e.g. what was the highlight of your day/weekend) the conversation will flow.

6. Don't fear pregnant pauses.

If there is a pause in the conversation, that's okay. Don't feel that you have to jump in and fill the gaps with trivia.

7. Avoid talking about work.

Some 80% of the population don't get recognition on the job and don't want to speak about their job at all.  Most people become very animated when they speak about their interests outside of work. Often, by revealing a little about yourself, people feel more comfortable sharing their experiences.

8. Always make eye contact.

Always make eye contact when you are speaking to someone. Looking over their shoulder for someone better to speak to is not only insulting but very foolish. You never know who knows the person you are speaking to.  Take the focus off you, listen more than you talk and you will be surprised at the results.

9. Act like the host.

When you sit down with a table of strangers, start the ball rolling by suggesting that you all introduce yourself-your name, the work you do, why you have come to the event. On an average table of ten, three people may think you are pushy (that's okay), while the other six people will be relieved that you had the initiative to make it happen.

10. Finally-have fun.

Great networkers have a great time. They know that by having quality conversations with the people they meet and keeping in touch, following up, doing the things they say they will do, they will build trust. The by product of trust is - constantly build a strong and effective network.

Remember, every best friend was a perfect stranger at one time!

4 clever conversation starters when networking: improving your personal interaction

The key to networking success is being a good conversationalist and showing genuine interest in another’s business and knowing when to talk about your own.

So do you know any good conversation starters?

In this blog post on improving personal interaction, I share some experiences from Jack Fraenkel, a business-improver and people-developer, has a flair for customer service. He passionately believes that service intensive companies tend to invest in employee success first.

And he says “One thing’s for sure - networking is not for wallflowers! Everyone, but especially those on the shy side, need to practice talking and listening so they can become better conversationalists.”

Here are some ideas from Jack:

All things being equal, people like to do business with friends. When things are not quite so equal, people still like to do business with friends.

The question you have to ask is: How can each person benefit as a result of connecting with me?

The conversation starters you ask the people you meet at networking functions always need to be about them and never, ever about how you can find a way to sell them something!

Take serious note: this is not just about business networking. This is a life strategy to use with anyone, anywhere and anytime. Real opportunities lie in your ability to build very effective and meaningful relationships with key contacts who can and will identify new opportunities for you, be those personal or business.

Back to business networking. During the first part of the conversation, only talk about the other person. Ask them what they do and how their business is doing. Think of areas you are uncertain about within your business and ask how they handle this. For example asking “How do you find new customers? is a conversation starter that may even give you some new ideas!

Here are 4 great conversation starters:

1. “Hi, what business/industry are you in?”
2. “What do you enjoy most about it?”
3. “How did you get into it?”
4. “Who are you looking to connect with today?”

Spend a little time with each new prospect. Listen and learn. Soon, you'll have a whole room who can't wait to talk to you, and of course you won't mind that at all, will you?

Business networking is really simple. You can make the most of it by:

• Recognizing that everyone you meet is a potential, useful network contact.
• Creating “win, win” opportunities to give and receive favors.
• Practicing the “give without expectation” philosophy of great networkers.
• Operating with complete integrity.

5 tips for networking at a cocktail function: improving your personal interaction

I’ve always been comfortable speaking in front of large groups, but not as at ease in small business social settings.

Cocktail functions have a different feel about them than other business networking events. At cocktail functions, the atmosphere is relaxed and more social than strictly business. This, however, does not mean that standard business etiquette should go out the window.

So, I have worked at improving my skills. As I’ve started a blog series on personal interactions, here are some ways to make sure the drinks are diluted and not your networking!

These 5 tips are from Kim McGuinness, co-author of Network or Perish. She is also founder of Network Central and the Businesswomen’s Breakfast Series. Network Central provides networking and support for businesspeople in most areas of their busy lives.

1. Make an effort to enjoy the event

Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation – people really do enjoy being spoken to! If you need help, read the newspapers and a few business magazines to develop a bank of conversation topics, but steer clear of religion, politics and other potentially controversial subjects. You could even create an “oh really?” file with interesting stories about business, science and general interest. Look for articles that people will enjoy hearing or be fascinated by and want to tell others.

2. Know what it is you actually do!

This may sound silly but at a cocktail function conversations are mostly short and sometimes difficult to hear. Understand how to describe yourself, your business or position in a brief, concise statement – this is sometimes called an elevator statement because it is short and concise enough for you to deliver between floors in an elevator. Memorise your elevator statement so that when that all-important question arises, “So, what do you do?” – you are armed and ready.

Try to phrase this in terms of what benefit you deliver – rather than just what you do: for example, Susan manages the sales department of an office machine company. Instead of simply saying, “I manage the sales department of an office machine company”, she might instead say, “I am responsible for providing time-saving solutions for small and medium businesses,” or, “My team and I are responsible for saving our clients time through automation and systems” – certainly has a different ring to it, doesn’t it? A benefit-focused statement such as this also encourages further conversation and prompts the obvious next response, “Really, tell me more about that…”

3. Learn how to move on politely

Know when to back off with integrity. Follow your instinct – if you meet someone who doesn’t feel right to you, politely excuse yourself and move on. Networking is about creating valuable, meaningful and honest associations, don’t force yourself to make friends with someone you don’t like or trust. There is no need to share your opinion of that person with others – just move on discretely.

If you need to exit a situation you can do so politely and respectfully by saying thank you to that person for a great conversation and that you don’t want to take up any more of their time at the event. Then shake their hand confidently and move on. Alternatively you can simply mention that you need to speak to a few more people before you leave and thank them for their time. Ask for business cards if you really want to stay in contact, don’t wait for an offer and only ask if you intend on staying in touch.

4. Respect the network and the speaker

During my career as an event manager I have seen more drunk people at events than I care to remember. It is never a good look. Having too much to drink at an event can not only damage your reputation, it can damage your business. People rarely forget and will not only never deal with you again, they might tell everyone they know never to deal with you either.

Stick with the orange juice or sit on one glass of champagne (or mineral water in a champagne glass) and use the social, easy atmosphere of the cocktail function to really connect with people on both a business and a social level.

Listen to the speaker if there is one and if you have a question don’t be afraid to ask it. Everyone in the room will see you and if you say your name and company name before you ask the question they will also know who you are. If there is no opportunity for questions, approach the speaker personally after the presentation. Speakers are just people too and they are usually very approachable and grateful for feedback.

5. Know when to leave

Keep an eye on the time and leave at the time that the event is scheduled to finish. Offer to help the organisers move stragglers to the bar area – I am sure they will be eternally grateful and will remember who you are which is always a good thing. The organiser is the pivotal point of contact for the network. Send the organiser a thank you note the next day and your contact details for future events.

3 stress-free business networking tips: improving your personal interaction

The thought of attending business networking events and functions can be terrifying to some people and slightly unsettling even for the most confident amongst us.
I’ve decided to publish a series of blog posts on the topic of personal interaction. It’s an important element of your personal branding.

Sue Henry, an Australian networking expert, public speaker and author, says that there are three things that people worry about – and she offers tips on how you can avoid them.

Her strategies and ideas assist you in achieving your business goals in a practical and easy way.

1. Juggling, food, beverages and hand shaking

One of the most common unspoken fears amongst people networking is “How will I shake hands, exchange business cards, juggle food and drink without spilling it and looking foolish?” I have three simple rules that I follow when attending functions:

• Where possible eat before you go. Unfortunately most function centres, restaurants and conference venues serve food that is not networking friendly. You will often be in a situation where you are left holding a chicken bone, stick or oyster shell making if difficult to meet people and exchange cards.
• Eating before you go will assist you by minimising the chance of spilling food, drink or having something green stay in your teeth for all to see. Importantly, you will be more focused on what is going on and less likely to stalk the waiter because you haven’t eaten all day.
• Avoid alcohol at business networking functions. I love a wine as much as the next person, but not everyone does and you certainly do not want to be ‘the drunk’ at the event or breathing alcohol breath on others. Remember it is a business function and not party time! If you want to drink, alternate alcohol with water or ask for a half glass serving.

Make sure you are hands free. This allows you to readily access your business cards to exchange and shake hands with those that you meet. Ensure that you leave a good arms length between you and the person you are meeting. Most people value their personal space and you want to allow yourself the best opportunity to make an impression.

 

2. Business networking friendly clothes

I like to wear what I refer to as networking friendly clothes. I select clothing items (jackets) that have pockets so that I can always have easy access to my business cards and a place to put cards from the people I meet.

Ladies, ensure you select a networking friendly handbag that allows easy access to your business cards. Gentlemen, try not to take your briefcase, if this is unavoidable, see if there is somewhere at the venue you can check it in or have it stored safely until your departure. The last thing you want to be doing is some type of pow wow dance around your briefcase. It will be distracting for you and the people you meet.

Wear comfortable shoes, especially if you are standing at an event, leaning from one side to another looks uncomfortable and can be distracting. When standing, ensure your weight is distributed evenly and your stance is even, then you will be able to stand for much longer and remain focused on your conversations rather than your sore, tired feet!

3. Being left alone, talking to a bore and breaking into group conversations

If you are worried about not knowing anyone at the function or event and having no-one to talk to, make sure you call ahead and ask the organiser to introduce you to someone when you arrive so that you won’t be left standing alone. It is in the organiser’s best interests to do this as they want their attendees to have an enjoyable experience.

Extracting yourself from a boring or teeth pulling conversation is probably one of the most stressful networking experiences you can have and it is usually what stops most people from attending functions regularly.

Before you go to a business networking event, be armed with some well directed questions that can steer the conversation the way you want it to go or be prepared with some standard extraction techniques.

My two favourites are:

• “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” Make sure you actually go.
• “I have come here today with an aim to meet three new people, it’s been great speaking with you. Please excuse me”. Include a third person in the conversation and extract yourself in a pleasant and friendly manner.

There are a few methods I use to break into existing conversations.

The first is to make eye contact with one of the people and smile at them and simply say “Do you mind if I join you?” Simple! In all the networking I have done, and the thousands I have spoken to, no-one has ever experienced “No you can’t."

Secondly, ask someone else to break in and introduce you. As mentioned earlier, the organiser really does want you to enjoy yourself and not feel stressed, so ask them to introduce you.

Thirdly take a buddy that can do the conversation openers for you. Be careful not to just speak to them for the entire event as this will contradict what you are aiming to do.

Above all else remember to be yourself, talk about the things you know and are passionate about. Always ask questions and enjoy yourself, business networking is not meant to be a stressful activity. In fact it really can be a lot of fun and extremely rewarding.